Wednesday, July 20, 2011

TWISTED TALES: Take the All-Mart!

I can't believe I'm 3 for 3 in the pastries/donuts book connection. Did I miss the memo stating that authors must use a form of baked goods in a book in 2011? I'm starting to think there is a donut conspiracy or is that an anti-donut conspiracy? Now, I am completely leery of the baked goods section at my local Safeway. The woman behind the counter looks a lot like a zombie.  I told her yesterday, "No thanks on the free glazed donut samples.  I want to get out of here alive." Then, I immediately parked my cart in the line at the in-store pharmacy. I'm pretty sure she knows I'm onto the whole evil pastry thing. Yeah, but there is more to Take the All-Mart! than pastries. Check out this week's Twisted Tales author, J.I. Greco! And, the sweet book giveaway at the bottom of this fabulous post.

Take the All-Mart!: Reprobates of the Wasteland Book One (Volume 1)Take the All-Mart!
Author J.I. Greco

The world's been flattened and rebuilt a dozen times over -- but not the Wasteland. It stayed flattened, the perfect place for a couple of cyborg reprobates on the run. Reprobates like Trip, with a head full of mind-machine interface gear, and his brother Rudy, his gut home to a chemical factory constantly pumping THC directly into his bloodstream. Fleeing to the Wasteland in their two-hundred-year-old mind-controlled Dodge after Trip left a warlord queen on the altar and Rudy almost killed her cat, they need to score big to keep the cannibal bounty hunters off them. And what better way to do that than by robbing the beer capital of the Wasteland blind? It's a great plan, as long as Rudy can stay sober and Trip can keep himself from being distracted by the locals -- one sexy, orgy-loving cybergal local in particular.

Yeah, the plan's probably not going to work.

With mind-linked, hover-surfing cannibal bounty hunters! And leather corseted, fishnet-wearing, orgy-throwing nuns! And wreckless driving! And snarky robots! And torture by rubber duck! And an A.I.-controlled nanomachine-zombie infested department store that just wants to devour the world!

Another Read by J.I. Greco

Now it's time for the lightning round.  Don't eat the pastries because this Q&A is all the sweetness you'll need!  
Q: Which character do you most identify with, Trip or Rudy?  After reading Carted (a blog post) at Evil Universe I can see bits of both. Or, maybe you’re more like Roxanne? 
A: I like to think of myself as a Trip, only a lot more selflessly heroic (but just as dashingly handsome and devilishly charming), but I know in my heart of hearts, boiled down to my true inescapable essence, I’m really more of a Sorta-King Morty, only a lot less Korean.
Q: Do you believe in Karma like Rudy?  If so, do you share the same ‘rules’? 
A: I don’t know if I’d call it Karma, but I do believe in the Universe’s infinite capacity for revenge. Unfortunately, as far as I can tell, while this revenge is often executed with alarming efficiency and occasional humor, it also appears to be entirely random. The Universe is one sick fucker.
Q: I’ve only been inside a Walmart once and I thought it was the scariest place on Earth.  What is the scariest place you’ve been and why won’t you ever go back?
A: There was this little bring-your-own-beer strip joint in central PA a friend of a friend dragged me to in the early 90s. Given that it was central PA, you can imagine the caliber of the strippers. (Why yes, there were a lot of missing teeth and C-section scars all around, how did you know?) The “stage” was a couple folding tables jammed together and the strippers chain-smoked during their routines, but that’s not what turned me off the place. No, what got me screaming and running away in sheer horror, never to return, was that I’d had one of the strippers as a teacher in high school.
I went to a Catholic high school.
But in her defense, Sister Elizabeth did have a world-class ass.
Q: I hear you have a new infant locked in the backseat of your vehicle.  Share with us a great nugget of fatherly advice you plan to pass on to him/her. 
A: The minute you hit high school, find yourself a best friend, someone who will be there for you through thick and thin the rest of your life, no questions asked. Then senior year steal his girlfriend when he’s out of town at a Model United Nations event—he’ll never suspect a thing. Trust me, it’ll be hilarious.
Also, and perhaps more importantly, never watch Star Wars Episodes 1 2 or 3… they will absolutely break your heart. 
Q: What’s next in the writing world of J.I. Greco?
A: Right now I’m waist-deep in the second draft of a novel I’m calling “Camp Dead”, a period piece set in a summer camp in 1982 about a young para-scientist and his hunched-backed dwarf best friend out to create zombies they can patent and lease to large corporations for use as technical support call-takers. It’s—obviously—a true story. Then in the Fall, the sequel to Take the All-Mart! should be done percolating in my back brain, and I’ll get to working on that. It’ll be called We’re Going to War! and fingers-crossed it’ll be out early next year.

Website: EVIL UNIVERSE J.I.Greco's official website: Stories, rants, and writing updates.
J.I. Greco
Evil Universe

Take the All-Mart! Giveaway
Contest Ends July 28
1 Signed Paperback  US&Can Only
3 eBooks Int'l
Fill out and submit form to enter


  1. Star Wars 1,2, and 3 were not that bad!! LOL

    I love a witty interview! And, my Catholic school teachers did not have an ass worth mentioning....

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