Uncle Sam's Carnival of Copulating Inanimals
Author Kirk Jones
Reborn as an oozing humanoid composed of vitreous humor after a sudden death via a disembodied hand and a wood chipper, Gary Olstrom found no difficulty in saying goodbye to the life he once knew. After all, he had become quite adept at saying goodbye, to his right arm in a hardware store accident at eight, to his parents in a fiery car crash, to his right leg in a factory mishap, and to the only person who ever tried to help him in an untimely bus collision. What he never prepared for was saying goodbye to misfortune, until he found Uncle Sam's Carnival of Copulating Inanimals. Therein, Gary finds refuge training furniture to copulate before spectators who vomit in applause. But while Gary's luck shifts for the better, cities left in the wake of the carnival's visits disappear; many are murdered. With his pet desk Akimbo and his empty-socketed girlfriend-turned-futon, Liberty, Gary attempts to unravel this mystery, culminating in a re-imagining of America to rival that of Benedict Anderson's! Well, not quite...but there is furniture porn.
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Donating To A Cause
During the month of June, Kirk Jones will be donating royalities collected from the sales of Uncle Sam's Carnival of Copulating Inaminals to...Helping Hands: Monkey Helpers for the Disabled
Helping Hands: Monkey Helpers for the Disabled is a national nonprofit serving quadriplegic and other people with severe spinal cord injuries or mobility-impairments by providing highly trained monkeys to assist with daily activities.We raise and train these monkeys to act as live-in companions who, over the course of 20-30 years, will provide the gifts of independence, companionship, dignity and hope to the people they help.Helping Hands also educates thousands of young people annually through the Spinal Cord Injury Prevention Program (SCIPP). SCIPP teaches preventive measures for safety awareness, heightens sensitivity to the challenges of being disabled, and promotes understanding of the human-animal bond.
But don't worry, for those of us who have already purchased the book, Kirk has an option 'B'. Post a picture of yourself reading Uncle Sam's Carnival of Copulating Inanimals to your favorite piece of furniture. Send the pictures to email@example.com. For each person who submits a photo he'll donate $1 to Helping Hands, up to $100 dollars. You can send multiple photos reading to furniture at a store, or whatever, but he can only donate $1 per person.
Of course I couldn't pass up the chance to snap a silly photo, but you won't find me in the photo. Instead, I'm sharing a snap shot of my irobot vacuum who I caught reading Kirk's book in my master bathroom when it was supposed to be cleaning! Good help is so hard to find. I knew it was just a matter of time until I found my personal assistant completely slacking. Of course, irobot or "Roomba" reminded me that it is entitled to 2 -10 minute breaks and 1/2 hr. lunch. Roomba also mentioned it was feeling a bit constipated after eating all the dust bunnies beneath my bed.
MAY 26 - JUNE 5
OPEN TO US, CANADA and UK residents
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