Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Spectators! Time to Vomit in Applause for Author Kirk Jones

Twisted Tales #2
Step right up and see the amazing spectacle.  Hold onto your limbs because it's time to get naughty on the couchair with author Kirk Jones! Jones is part of The New Bizarro Author Series released by Eraserhead Press.  Want to know more?  Visit to see all bizarro authors.

Kirk took the time to answer a few of my most prize-winning questions, generously supplied 2 copies for a giveaway (to enter fill out form at bottom of post).  On top of it all, he is donating June royalties to a good cause.  Who knew a man writing about copulating furniture would be so generous?!

Q:  What pieces of furniture do you think would produce the most aesthetically pleasing offspring?

Cars, especially the newer models. I'd like to see a Toyota Yaris breed with some of the sporty Pontiacs. Oh wait, that's not furniture. Maybe a couch and a chair, then we could have couchairs.

Q:  Is access to porn at the library a right or a danger?

It's definitely not a right, and it has the potential to be a danger. If people want to access pornography they should do so in privacy. I don't think any library should be under obligation to provide the community with porn, just like they should be under no obligation to offer the community books about religion. If a public service offered pornography then they would be responsible for how it was used. What if someone decided to take the material to the bathroom and stay in there for extended periods of time, or show it to other, unwilling viewers in the library? There are too many liability issues at stake.

Now where to draw the line between pornography and art, that is where the real controversy rests I believe. Should libraries have issues of Heavy Metal, for example.

Q:  Will our addiction to materialism be the ultimate downfall of humanity?  Why or why not?

I think as long as people can balance materialism with other values it isn't so bad. There's a threshold. There's only so much one can own. I can't imagine wanting anything material right now other than maybe a few books, but I have so many already that I need to read, and know I don't need the new books right this moment.

Materialism is so complex today because most material possessions have some additional value. Ipods feature our music, so they have a function. Books and kindles harbor much more than the material possession itself. I think folks who place more value on the possession than the function that inspired its development might have a problem. For example, does one own a car because it gets one from point a to point b, or does one own the car for status or some other purpose? I think competition contributes to the corrupting factor of material possessions. I fell victim to this when I bought a Mac. I don't make music or films or anything, and anti-virus software and two PCs with power equal to my Mac would have been cheaper, so why did I buy it? I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Q:  What was your favorite toy as a kid?

I see what you're doing here! Getting me to discuss how materialism will lead to our downfall and then go on about my sentimental attachments to material possessions from my past :) I had so many. I really liked my Ren & Stimpy stuffed animals that farted when you squeezed them. I really liked Ninja Turtles and He-Man as well. I never really played with G.I. Joe, but I did have an awesome Snake Eyes. He was too cool to play with though. I just looked at that toy. I used to play Warhammer 40k too, toys for adults essentially. I enjoyed putting them together and painting them almost more than playing the game. I still have my Space Marines.

Q: Any upcoming projects?  If so, what are you working on?

I'm working on a few things. I have two books right now ready to submit to Eraserhead Press. But I'm conflicted about which I'd like to present to them. Both are huge departures from Uncle Sam's Carnival, stylistically and thematically speaking. Really Uncle Sam was the huge departure from my usual style because I tried to parody the long-winded prose of nineteenth-century authors. I'm really looking forward to getting another book out there written in the style I generally use. I think people will find it more appealing.

Anyway, one of my new books still deals with objectophilia. It's not a central issue and almost entirely disappears by the middle of the book, but I don't want to get pegged as "that author who writes about sex with inanimate objects in all of his books." Because the one I'm working on now will probably be the last book I write with that theme in it.

The other project features some of the same elements Caris O'Malley's The Egg Said Nothing does. I sent it to him after reading his book. There are similar ideas and I don't want people to read my book and think I borrowed ideas from Caris. So I've been thinking about asking him to do a forward for it if I do try to publish it down the road. I normally wouldn't concern myself with it, but we're under the same publisher and we run in the same circles. Both of our books share similarities with Alan Moore's Supreme, and an episode of Sea Lab 2021, for example, and thematically have similarities with Don DeLillo's Mao II. You could say the works share similarities with The Secret Window as well. We both drew inspiration from different places, and there are plenty of books with similar themes and a similar premise. But because we run with the same crowd, people are more likely to draw a cause and effect correlation between the books and think I'm trying to piggy back off what he did. And I don't want people to think I can't come up with my own ideas. One thing I am proud of about my writing is my ability to come up with unique ideas and interesting themes for my work.

So both of these projects I'm reluctant to have released as my next book. I'm trying to think of another book idea to publish first. I think both of the projects I mention above are worthy of being published down the road, and I love them both. But I also think the first two books an author publishes really make or break them. If the second book is too similar when compared to the first or the author starts beating a dead horse then they can lose their audience pretty fast. But I plan to ask others what they think as well. I think the second book would be fine with a foreword by Caris that discussed the behind-the-scenes story about how I sent him my book after reading his, my reaction to his book and his reaction to mine. I think the first idea I mentioned with minor elements of objectophilia might be fine if I write a foreword that stipulates "hey, this is it for objectophilia. Hell, after like page 20 you won't see it again and you won't hear about it from me in any of my other books." But even the fact that I'd have to write a forward like that, something about it bothers me. The objectophilia, like I wrote earlier, is such a minor part, but it is a vehicle to move the storyline forward at the beginning of the book and I'd hate to lose readers or have people start the book and think, "oh shit here we go again" when it is really such a minor part of the book and the book has so much more to offer. I don't want to be thought of as a one-trick pony.

Uncle Sam's Carnival of Copulating InanimalsUncle Sam's Carnival of Copulating Inanimals
Author Kirk Jones
Reborn as an oozing humanoid composed of vitreous humor after a sudden death via a disembodied hand and a wood chipper, Gary Olstrom found no difficulty in saying goodbye to the life he once knew. After all, he had become quite adept at saying goodbye, to his right arm in a hardware store accident at eight, to his parents in a fiery car crash, to his right leg in a factory mishap, and to the only person who ever tried to help him in an untimely bus collision. What he never prepared for was saying goodbye to misfortune, until he found Uncle Sam's Carnival of Copulating Inanimals. Therein, Gary finds refuge training furniture to copulate before spectators who vomit in applause. But while Gary's luck shifts for the better, cities left in the wake of the carnival's visits disappear; many are murdered. With his pet desk Akimbo and his empty-socketed girlfriend-turned-futon, Liberty, Gary attempts to unravel this mystery, culminating in a re-imagining of America to rival that of Benedict Anderson's! Well, not quite...but there is furniture porn.
Purchase Links:  Amazon Barnes&Noble
To Join Facebook Fan Page click HERE 
And if you want to keep up with Kirk Jones, click on over to follow his blog:
Donating To A Cause
During the month of June, Kirk Jones will be donating royalities collected from the sales of Uncle Sam's Carnival of Copulating Inaminals to...
 Helping Hands: Monkey Helpers for the Disabled
Helping Hands: Monkey Helpers for the Disabled is a national nonprofit serving quadriplegic and other people with severe spinal cord injuries or mobility-impairments by providing highly trained monkeys to assist with daily activities.We raise and train these monkeys to act as live-in companions who, over the course of 20-30 years, will provide the gifts of independence, companionship, dignity and hope to the people they help.Helping Hands also educates thousands of young people annually through the Spinal Cord Injury Prevention Program (SCIPP). SCIPP teaches preventive measures for safety awareness, heightens sensitivity to the challenges of being disabled, and promotes understanding of the human-animal bond.

But don't worry, for those of us who have already purchased the book, Kirk has an option 'B'. Post a picture  of yourself reading Uncle Sam's Carnival of Copulating Inanimals to your favorite piece of furniture. Send the pictures to For each person who submits a photo he'll donate $1 to Helping Hands, up to $100 dollars. You can send multiple photos reading to furniture at a store, or whatever, but he can only donate $1 per person.

Of course I couldn't pass up the chance to snap a silly photo, but you won't find me in the photo.  Instead, I'm sharing a snap shot of my irobot vacuum who I caught reading Kirk's book in my master bathroom when it was supposed to be cleaning!  Good help is so hard to find.  I knew it was just a matter of time until I found my personal assistant completely slacking.  Of course, irobot or "Roomba" reminded me that it is entitled to 2 -10 minute breaks and 1/2 hr. lunch.  Roomba also mentioned it was feeling a bit constipated after eating all the dust bunnies beneath my bed. 

MAY 26 - JUNE 5
OPEN TO US, CANADA and UK residents
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  1. Thank you for hosting this giveaway!!

    SpadesHigh @
    TValeros18 @ gmail [dot] com

    Im a new follower !!! =) If you wouldnt mind, would you follow me as well? ^_^

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